


The Spirit Seeks Flesh

by evenstar8705



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First Time, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Romance, Science Fiction, spirituality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 00:50:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18981805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstar8705/pseuds/evenstar8705
Summary: I wanted to explore the relationship between Kira and the hunky monk Bareil Antos. This takes place over several episodes but dives more into Anots' history and feelings and his positive influence on Kira. There's something powerfully seductive about a sincerely spiritual and attractive man. I missed Antos almost as much as Kira in the later seasons. It also explores spirituality a bit.





	1. Chapter 1

Kira never thought she could ever fall in love. She could be provoked to feel lust, she knew that already, but not romantic love. She was well into her twenties and was still a virgin. That was a rare thing on Bajor even before the Occupation. Her people celebrated sex and pleasure as long as they kept to their caste system. That system was obliterated by the Cardassians, opening up even more options, but Kira had gone out of her way to avoid it. 

She was hostile to any man that dared to cat call her or look longingly in her direction. On the station with a myriad of aliens she had never encountered before, it was even worse. Dax reveled in it, but Kira glared. She had a strange encounter with a Cardassian soldier during an undercover mission that jarred her body at nineteen into awareness. She had a passing crush on Tahna Los, a fellow Bajoran comrade. She had never acted on her feelings. She was too terrified and awkward. She was more war-torn soldier than woman. She had unpleasant memories of a certain interrogation and threatened with rape. It wasn’t the first or last time.

Yet when she met Bareil Antos, it was as though the Prophets instantly softened her calcified heart. She had heard of Vedek Bareil in passing or in the news back home. They said that he was practically the adopted son of Kai Opaka, the youngest monk to ever achieve the coveted higher position of Vedek, and he was said to be an exceptionally liberal and spiritual man. They never mentioned that he was possibly the most handsome man that Bajor had ever produced. She had never felt such a magnetic pull to another body, and when the man spoke with such a soft, hypnotic voice, she felt that he could talk her into almost anything.

Oh, I am in trouble! That was her exact thought. 

He was nothing like she imagined he would be. She had pictured a meek and small man, more temple mouse than perfectly sculpted god! She thought he would have a growing belly or receding hairline like Fala Trentin, not rippling muscles and thick, straight hair black as space. He had eyes like cobalt that were soft like a woman’s, a stark contrast to his incredibly masculine form. He hid powerful calves under temple robes but walked with grace and an aura of divinity she had never sensed before except in Kai Opaka herself. No one embodied both the spiritual and physical planes so well. Opaka had groomed Kira Nerys the most suitable teacher and lover whether she had planned that or not!

Even though her heart was fluttering like a teenager’s and she hung on the vedek’s every words as though her life depended on it, and she was struggling with all her might not to reach out and touch his chest, she was still terrified! She couldn’t believe such a holy and beautiful man could ever want her.

It wasn’t because he was a Vedek. The temple clergy were never forbidden from taking spouses or lovers. Bajor encouraged large families and not even the Kai was subjected to vows of chastity. The religion embraced sexuality and spirituality as vital to any healthy pagh. There were traditionally male and female prostitutes that offered love, counsel, and instruction employed directly by the temple. They accepted any generous donations a client could give and that money went to the coffers that spilled forth once a week to feed the hungry and poor. It was a respected office until Cardassians poisoned the practice forever.

When the Occupation began, the temples were the primary targets. They were the heart of Bajoran civilization and stored foods and riches. The Cardassians completely misunderstood the practice of temple prostitutes. Deadly in their homophobia, the Cardassians immediately executed the males and took the females for themselves. They were supposed to be shared freely, not hoarded by a single man or woman! They took them only to slake their physical desires and scoffed at the spiritual. When they had snatched all the prostitutes and still craved more women, they began snatching wives and daughters. The hated and prolonged system of comfort women was established.

After several generations of Cardassians mocking and corrupting the sacredness of sex, there would probably never be temple prostitutes again. Women were filled with a shame and aversion that had been unknown by Bajorans before. They reveled in their regained freedom when the Occupation ended, but society would never be the same. Intimacy wasn’t innocent and playful anymore. Men weren’t immune to the stigma either. Male couplings were frowned upon as Cardassian attitudes caught on. Many men felt denied or emasculated and couldn’t take rejection well from their women. Some husbands refused to take back their wives after Cardassians had them. It would take a long time for men and women to heal and join together.

Kira was not a scholar of the scriptures. She was lucky to get a basic education in her own religion thanks to Fala. She was used to the crude vernacular of a soldier. She was hard, damaged, and bitter. She imagined that her voice was harsh and shrill. She had never been so aware of the scars and flaws on her body. She ‘bit the bullet’ and had Bashir remove them all and felt strangely better when she examined herself in the mirror afterward. Removing physical scars helped heal the psychological ones in some small way. 

She hated to admit she needed instructions on how to be feminine, so she approached her coworker Jadzia Dax the next day at work.

“Dax?”

“Yes, Major?” the Trill woman gazed at her with those green eyes and Kira had a flash before her of another pair of green eyes but gazing out of a mask. “Oh, are you alight? You just got very pale!”

“I’m fine,” Kira insisted, shaking herself from bad memories. “And you can call me Kira.”

“Only if you call me Jadzia!” 

“Look, Jadzia, I have a request. I, uh, don’t have many girlfriends. To be honest, I have none. I was hoping to have someone to shop with.”

“Shopping!” Jadzia Dax squealed. “Trust me, all the women in me are so, so excited to hear that! Yes! When?”

“After the shift?” Kira was surprised by her enthusiasm. “Are Curzon and the other men groaning at that?”

“Curzon was a stylish man that loves to gaze at clothing on the female form. He’ll love you modeling for him for a change instead of me! He would say that the other men can just go straight to hell!”

Kira laughed out loud, “Tell him to hide in a corner of your brain somewhere else while I’m trying on clothes. I don’t want those lecherous old man’s eyes on me. Only yours.”

She blushed as Jadzia’s eyebrows flexed almost flirtatiously. Benjamin Sisko gave them a sharp look from his seat.

“Is something being plotted over there?” he joked.

“Just girl talk, Ben!” Jadzia waved her hand to dismiss him boldly.

“Whatever you say, old man,” he grinned broadly and allowed them to continue as they were.

Kira was amused and relieved at how laid back the Starfleet officer could be. He was a force to be reckoned with when it counted though. She was admiring him more and more every day and not just because the Prophets had inexplicably chosen him to be their Emissary. 

“First, Kira, I need to have a look in your closet to see what you need and get an idea of what your style is.”

“OK.”

If she had any idea what she was in for, she might have never allowed Dax into her quarters. The Trill went through everything including her underwear drawer. Kira was humiliated and horrified. She hid her face in her hands as Jadzia’s tongue wagged.

“By the stars, Kira Nerys!” she exclaimed. “What is all this? Are these the wrong quarters? All you have are uniforms, a few plain and sad blouses, sports bras and boxers instead of panties! Are those men’s trousers and boots? You need me more than either of us thought! Some of this is obviously the wrong size! You could use a better shade of makeup too. It doesn’t quite match your skin tone. By the way, have you considered growing or styling your hair beyond an approved military cut?”

“I get it, Dax. I’m a hopeless case!” Kira said bitterly.

“No, you are not!” the Trill snatched her hand. “Jadzia is here to save you!”

“I’ll allow myself to be your doll tonight but only if I am drunk first!” Kira said reluctantly.

“How drunk?” Jadzia purred just like Sisica and Kira winced.

“Properly drunk!”

Jadzia dragged her to Quark’s next and barely let go of her hand all evening. It was like she had adopted a little girl for the evening. She pushed adventurous new drinks on Kira. Since the wormhole had opened, there was an exciting new list ever expanding. Quark smirked at them both.

“Ah, why isn’t it the loveliest two ladies on the station? Did you come to make me happy? Well, you’ve succeeded! Which one of you will be my date tonight? No need to fight over me! I’ll take you both anytime and anywhere!”

They groaned together and Kira said with a sour look, “I could never be drunk or dead enough to be yours, Quark!”

“Sorry, Quark,” Dax said glibly. “If you had me, you wouldn’t know what to do with me. I have high standards and you would be spoiled for all other women forever. I’m not the type to settle down, and you’d pine and die.”

Kira began chugging a sour shot to match her mood when she heard a very distinctive and graveled voice in her ear, “ Major, I do hope you drink plenty of water to off-set the amount of poison that you are consuming?”

“Odo?” she almost choked on her drink. “Oh, hell!”

The Constable looked concerned and a little guilty as Kira coughed until the liquid that had gone down the wrong pipe was dealt with. He hadn’t meant to startle her. He hadn’t shape shifted from a corner of the room. He was simply quiet and normally never approached crowds or Quark if he could avoid it. 

“Are you alright, Major?”

“Yes, thank you!”

“I’ll never understand why your breathing apparatus is so close to your eating apparatus,” he shook his head disparagingly a little then looked back and forth between the Bajoran woman and Trill woman. “Are you on a date?”

“I hope so!” Quark blurted.

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know, Odo?” Dax teased.

Odo glared at her for being so informal with him. He barely knew Jadzia Dax and would have proffered the title of Constable. He was also not good with teasing of any kind. He was learning, but social cues were beyond him.

“I asked the question, didn’t I?” he said with irritation.

“I asked the question, didn’t I?” Dax mocked him by imitating his gravelly voice in a very unflattering way.

“Stop that, Jadzia!” Kira snapped, fiercely defending her Changeling friend’s feelings. “Constable, we are not on a date. She and I are becoming friends, that’s all. We are having a sort of girl’s night.”

“A girl’s night?”

“A night that might end in pillow fights and experimentation perhaps?” Quark threw out.

Kira pinched his ear, hoping he felt maximum pain and nothing near his ‘oo-max’ that he spoke of too much. That seemed to cheer Odo back up.

“No, Quark! Lovely as Jadzia Dax is, I’m not into Trill or other females. No offense, Dax.”

“None taken, friend!”

“I get it. You like that Vedek fellow instead!”

“You ever keep your damn mouth shut, Quark?” Kira pinched him until he shrieked.

Odo’s face fell a little. Maybe she was being too hard on the Ferengi for his liking. She let him go.

“Have fun with your new friend, Major,” Odo said hastily to her. “Make sure to drink at least two ounces of water for every few you have of alcohol to avoid a hangover. If it’s something strong, reverse that number.”

“That’s quite specific, Constable,” Kira wrinkled her nose ridges.

Odo almost smiled. He loved when she did that, “I have observed your tolerance, Major.”

Jadzia and Quark didn’t miss the barely imperceptible jolt in the air between the Changeling and Bajoran, but they seemed clueless and turned away from each other. Kira wondered if he was jealous that she was making other friends. He was only just learning about what friendship entailed. She hoped he wasn’t still confused and hurt. She almost went after him, but Dax still had her Trill paws on her and dragged her to the clothing replimat.

“So, is what Quark said true about the Vedek or do you like Constable Odo?” Dax whispered. 

Kira blushed, “Bareil Antos is very appealing.”

“Ah, so all this was about a man?” Dax pouted. 

“Well, I admit, that was my underlying motivation, but I do like you, Jadzia Dax. I’d like to pursue friendships as well as romances on this station, even if I didn’t think it would truly happen.”

Dax gave her a little peck on her cheek and started browsing a catalog. By the time the Trill was done, Kira was nearly broke and had a brand new wardrobe in her quarters. She also had a blast with the Trill woman. She had always thought she hated fashion and shopping. It was fun, she realized, with the right company and with good sensible advice.


	2. Chapter 2

Luckily, Kira had followed Odo’s advice about the consumption of water. She woke up the next day feeling refreshed instead of hung over. Jadzia had done her best to get her more than properly drunk. She would have to be more careful with that one. She had also shocked her by asking all about her sexual history. She relished some feeling of revenge when she told the Trill woman she really had none. Dax looked flabbergasted by that! Dax had more than enough experiences over her symbiont’s lifetime, however. It was Kira whose mouth was soon dropping to the floor again!

Kira poked her head into Constable Odo’s office on her way elsewhere to quickly thank him. He was almost always in his office at this time.

“Thank you, Odo, for your advice last night! I feel right as rain!”

“You’re welcome, Major,” he said graciously. “Did you want to talk? I can replicate Klingon coffee for you. I noticed that, just like Sisko, you’ve taken a liking to that beverage over your usual ginger tea.”  
She was astonished, “There’s very little you don’t notice, Constable!”

He shrugged his shoulders and slouched a little in his chair, something he only allowed himself to do in her presence.

“I notice that your garments fit better and Dax selected different make-up for you. It all looks nice.”

She was wearing temple robes, but she wondered if he had also noticed the outline of her new strapless bra underneath and hoped she wasn’t blushing at the thought. If he did notice, he didn’t care, right? Changelings had no opinion of undergarments. 

“I would love to tell you all about Dax, but I’ve got service at the moment.”

He nodded and asked as though it was a mere afterthought, “Will Bareil be there?”

“Of course, Odo. He’s a Vedek. They’ll probably have him doing the service!”

“Enjoy it.”

He was being curt and that was a bad sign so she offered, “May I talk to you over lunch afterward?”

He brightened immediately, “Name the time, Major!”

She did just that, relieved. All he needed was reassurance that he was still her best friend, like she suspected. He was, but she needed a female friend. She had realized she might come to like Jadzia more than Sisica and a hole in her life would finally be filled. She was raised by men and surrounded by soldier her entire existence. Lupaza had been female, but she was often more ‘male’ than Kira! She was accused of being the hot head of their cell, but she would argue that Lupaza was a close second if not the first. She was older, stronger, and she struck her partner Furel all the time. She loved her but as a fellow soldier foremost. 

She had arrived early to the shrine. She found Bareil meditating and waited patiently. It was a good chance to admire him. He looked so serene as he stood motionless. The candlelight highlighted his muscles struggling to burst from his robes and the ridges on his nose. He seemed aware of her somehow even though his eyes were closed and she wasn’t being loud.

“Is that you, Major Kira?” he managed to always say her surname just right.

“Yes. Should I leave you or join you?”

“Please,” he beckoned her irresistibly.

He didn’t sound like he was begging or ordering, but she sat facing him as though it had been an order from the Prophets themselves. She had been praying he would want her to join him. It was the whole reason she rose earlier than her wont on her day off. She tried not to sit too close and appear too greedy for him. The Vedek opened his eyes slowly and smiled warmly at her. She wasn’t aware she was smiling back. He smelled of intoxicating temple spices. 

Antos thought she looked quite angelic. Her red robes were especially flattering and her lips matched the color perfectly, a little redder than before, demanding his attention. The sleeves were long almost like draped wings. The cloth would feel so soft, he was sure of it. Dax had given her a special perfume that seemed odorless but she promised it was equivalent to a love potion and only males could smell it. She refused to reveal any more secrets about it. Kira sincerely hoped it wasn’t animal musk or Trill piss. Sisica might have done such a thing to her.

“You smell lovely, if you don’t mind me saying,” Bareil said.

“Score!” she almost shouted but her lips parted for a second and she licked her lips instead, making them wet and redder.

“Show me how you usually meditate.”

Again, it wasn’t an order, but she felt compelled to do everything he said. She sat as she had been directed in her past and put her arms out and closed her eyes. He laughed and she heard him shuffle behind her. Her humiliation quickly turned to anticipation. She almost jumped and snapped open her eyes when his breath was in her ear, soft and feather light. He placed his hands on her arms, bending them down and having her relax them at her sides. Did he know his touch was driving her mad?

She took a deep breath to calm herself.

“That’s very good, Nerys. Controlled breathing is a start, but your posture is all wrong!”

“Did you just call me Nerys?” she gasped.

“I did,” he sounded surprised. “Should I-“

“You can call me that.”

“Very well. First of all, you look uncomfortable. There is no proper way to sit. All that matters is that you are comfortable.”

“Vedek Fala would disagree with you,” she said with a wag of her finger in the direction of his voice, eyes still closed. “He taught us if your legs go numb, you are doing something right.”

“Pardon me, but he sounds like he was repeating the same dogma that his old teacher taught him. How can you commune with the Prophets or your own pagh if you have a wicked cramp in your leg? How can you serve them if you die prematurely of a blood clot caused by forcing yourself to sit like that for lengthy periods?”

She giggled, “Fala did complain about poor circulation. I argued with him about just this subject and many others when I was little and stubborn. I got tired of arguing and was desperate to hear the Prophets. He promised that once I learned proper tolerance for pain and practiced spiritual discipline, the technique would work.”

“Has it ever worked?”

“No!”

“Rising at the same time every morning is discipline. Allowing cramps to continue is simply torturing yourself. Life is torturous enough. Seeking pleasure pleases the Prophets far more than self-neglect.”

“That’s quite the position you have, Vedek!”

“Why because I discourage misery?”

“Some of the clergy accuse you of being a hedonist, Bareil!”

That did make him roar with laughter. She joined in. The criticism was clearly unfair. If he was a hedonist, he wouldn’t have limited himself to two meals a day or kept to a strict schedule. He would be plump and lazy. He would not be art with the breath of life in it. When their laughter subsided, Kira became serious.

“You told me to allow myself to be useless at the monastery, Bareil. I can’t do that. I tried, but sometimes, I sure do feel useless.”

“You have unfulfilled dreams and desires.”

“Don’t we all?” she snickered.

“You have grief. Terrible, terrible grief,” she didn’t think his voice could sink any lower or be more gentle.

“So must you.”

“I am at peace with it. You are clearly not.”

“How would you know?” she snarled, temper flaring.

To her bewilderment, Bareil wasn’t put off by her.

“Perhaps it is because I hear the anger crawling into your voice. It could be the wrinkling in your nose ridges, the flash of crimson in your skin. Let the anger and pain go by meditating properly. Comfortably. And don’t be afraid of your friends,” he put his arms on her shoulders, “or of the Prophets’ love.”

His gentle voice and touch were miraculous. Her anger was sinking deep within her and dissipating easier than she could have ever imagined. Her eyes were still closed. He didn’t even need to dazzle her with his beauty. He placed a hand boldly on her hip and her eyes snapped open. A touch that low and suddenly usually awakened fears of unwanted advances. She was slightly alarmed, but fear seemed to fly away. It was like his presence inspired light and chased away shadows.

“Nerys,” Bareil whispered, “I would like to help nurture your pagh, to help it grow and be free of pain and bondage. The Occupation is over and we have rediscovered the Celestial Temple. You are the Emissary’s helper and Guardian of the Wormhole. Kai Opaka isn’t here, but I know she would have wanted me to guide you in her place. Will you invite me to teach you?”

His voice was raw, partially because he had mentioned the beloved Kai. She placed her hands over his.

“What exactly was she to you?” she asked.

“Like a mother. My parents were temple clergy. They were born to the caste but insisted they would have dwelt happily within the temple by choice. They met and fell in love worshiping the Prophets. They were matched in a fertility ritual and rarely left each other’s side. They refused to stop worshiping openly and the Cardassians slaughtered them. I was five. My parents didn’t even fight or attempt to flee. They sang hymns and held hands as the temple burned down around them. I was left to starve, but the Kai found me. I clutched her skirts and she wiped away my tears. She said I should rejoice. My parents were with the Prophets and wouldn’t suffer anymore. I would be tempered by my suffering at such a young age. I could endure and be strong in a way my parents were unable to be because they were too old to learn. I could, if I was willing to learn from her.”

“Bareil…” she didn’t know what to say.

To be orphaned so young was unfathomable to her. At least she had her father and brothers for a chunk of her life. She wanted to hold the Vedek in her arms. The fact that he was telling her his personal history at all was a gift and burden. He was displaying faith and trust in her. She hoped that she was worthy of it. His spiritual teaching would be absolutely invaluable as well.

Shakaar was orphaned near the same age, but he had taken a very different path in life. The temple clergy didn’t usually fight Cardassians openly with weapons, but they had no less courage than soldiers. They healed combatants, hid civilians, preserved the teachings, spied, smuggled, encouraged, and they sacrificed no less than people like herself during the Occupation. As the Kai’s student, Bareil must have been instrumental in his own way.

Not only did she want this man, she respected him. That was just as important. There was something sexy and rare about a spiritual man, a truly spiritual man. Kira had never met one, not a man that wasn’t already old, decrepit or cranky and stern. There were young and attractive monks, but were they as sincere in their faith as Bareil Antos? Were they leaders that practiced what they preached? 

“Nerys,” his breath was tickling her ear again, “Did you really not see me in your orb experience?”

“Actually, I did. I was too scared to admit it at the monastery,” she confessed to her priest at last like a good little girl. “Please don’t punish me too harshly for lying to you.”

“Oh?” he was tempted to punish her in creative ways, but his question hadn’t been fully answered yet. “How were we in your vision?”

“How were we?” she parroted.

She felt heat rushing through her body. She couldn’t confess that much! She couldn’t tell him that they had been naked side by side! She couldn’t admit that they had moved together, passion in his eyes and their mouths moving toward one another with such carnal hunger! She was too aware of his hand on her hip.

“Please answer my question, Nerys,” he was begging now and felt that he was the one being punished. “Please.”

“Antos-“

When she spoke his given name, his eyes flashed with hope, but worshipers had arrived for the service. Vedek and Major leaped apart, pretending that Bareil had not been nearly caught holding her from behind. He took his place to preach and she sat on her knees in hers to listen. She ignored the others. Her eyes were fixed on Bareil’s and never strayed.

He spoke of the Prophets. He spoke of love and eroticism. He utilized that hypnotic voice and the words seemed to be for her and her alone. Love began to replace the empty places in her heart. When she gazed at this gentle man, she felt at peace. When he touched her, she felt comfort as well as wild and raging torrents of lust. His voice did things to her!

“The flesh seeks spirit,” his eyes seemed to track hers and travel all over her body, “and the spirit seeks flesh.”


	3. Chapter 3

By the time the sermon was over, Kira was buzzing with a spiritual high and extrapolating private fantasies. She was in no hurry to leave the shrine room. Once again, she and the Vedek were alone. They began discussing very specific scripture that she had been far too young to discuss with Fala or anyone else in the camps. Bareil was seconds from reaching for her when she saw the time and startled him by crying out.

“Oh, I have to meet Odo for lunch! He’ll be furious if I’m late! He despises tardiness!”

“You mean that Changeling?” Bareil was utterly confused and frustrated. “But he can’t even eat!”

“That is exactly why it would feel like even more of a terrible waste of his time if I dared to blow him off!”

Without further explanation, she fled and joined her best friend in the replimat. He was tapping his fingers with minor annoyance on a tabletop and almost ready to lose himself in a novel. She was only a few minutes late. She braced herself for a lecture but he wiped the agitated look from his face when he heard her coming and felt the vibrations of her footsteps. 

“I’m so sorry, Constable!” she was out of breath. “Running in long, flowing robes is a bit difficult. Sandals aren’t preferable wear for it either.”

“It’s alright, Major. Don’t you usually just wear your uniform wherever you go?”

“I got tired of that.”

“I’m not complaining about your looks. Don’t mistake me. I just don’t understand why females especially insist on changing their clothes so often. I never bother to imitate anything other than my uniform.”

“Why not? I recall you used to wear a darker uniform.”

“A darker uniform for a darker chapter in my life,” Odo said with a slight shudder. “The color looked good on me, but what it represented was not worth displaying again.”

“I understand,” Kira found she hated earthen colors because all her clothes during the Occupation were barely more than rotted rags sometimes. “But don’t you ever crave variety? What would you look like in bright red or blue? I imagine that would look good on you, Constable!”

“Really?” he leaned forward a little, and then leaned back, “It’s not practical. I’m not a chameleon.”

“I wasn’t asking you to perform tricks and change rapidly into all the colors of the rainbow. I know better than that. I just meant, in private, have you ever changed your uniform to blue?”

“No, Major. It didn’t cross my mind.”

Her eyes darted over him as she tried to picture him in navy or royal blue. What if he wore sky blue robes? She almost giggled at the thought. Odo would never simulate robes on his humanoid body. Odo found the way she looked at him odd but not unwelcome. He was almost tempted to shift his uniform to blue as she suggested. There were too many people around and he hated shifting when it wasn’t necessary. How did this woman continue to challenge him in such surprising ways? It was intellectually stimulating and he relished it.

“Let me fetch my meal, Odo.”

“Go right ahead. I am not going anywhere.”

He anticipated what she would order, a mildly amusing guessing game with himself that he usually won. With all the foods from earth and the Gamma Quadrant, the game had become far less predictable. Kira seemed fond of standard Starfleet recipes. From what he could gather from her broadcasting appetite, it would be a light snack rather than a full meal and it was too late in the day to drink coffee. Ginger tea was far more likely to be her choice.

She returned with a cup of ginger tea and a plate of cheese and olives. He tried not to stare directly at her mouth as she ate or ask too many questions while she chewed. He used to expect her to answer his questions promptly in the middle of a gulp or bite. She would cover her mouth to avoid disgusting him with the sight of half masticated food and tried to give him subtle hints with her eyes to stop talking for just a few moments. He had learned the subtle art of gauging her and counted the times she chewed to help guide him.

“What novel are you reading lately? Would I like it?” she asked.

“That depends. Did you finish the last one that I recommended to you?”

“I’m halfway through, Odo, and enjoying it so far. I wish I could read at your pace.”

“If that’s the case, you might enjoy mine. It’s the same author.”

She struggled to remove a pit from one of the olives. Odo had many questions but had decided long ago not to ask a million questions about every single food she ate or about the process he couldn’t possibly experience and she couldn’t verbalize. He wondered why she discarded that particular piece. He wondered why she preferred black olives over the green. Did their taste differ so wildly simply because of their color? He also wondered why she loved caffeinated drinks so much. Was it because it was an addictive stimulant or did it have a subtle flavor she was mentally addicted to? Ah, Changeling musings!

“I thought of a book you might like!” Kira said proudly. “There is a romance subplot, but-“

“That doesn’t matter if the main plot is good enough.”

“I’ll send it to you in an attachment tonight.”

As she sipped her tea, he asked, “What was the service about? I know sometimes the preacher will tell parables which can almost be a good story.”

She was surprised that he cared and answered, “Bareil gave me tips on mediation before the service. He did tell parables about love and reproduction. He spoke of the temple being the bride of the Prophets, the womb of all Bajoran children. Afterward, we discussed the deeper mysteries.”

“Deeper mysteries?” Odo loved mystery. “What kind?”

“You wouldn’t care to know, Constable,” she evaded.

“Why not?” he asked, clueless. 

“They are the deeper mysteries of sexuality. It entails rituals, musings, and erotic experiences.””

Odo was glad he couldn’t eat or drink or he would have choked like poor Kira the night before. He looked immensely uncomfortable.

Before he could stop himself, he asked, “Did you or the Vedek demonstrate or participate in such acts?”

“No!” she was aghast at his impulse. “We just talked! For Prophets’ sake, Odo! He was trying to teach me!”

“I’m sorry, Major, I was just under the impression that you cared less for such subject matter than I do.”

“I was bitter,” Kira admitted. “And I never claimed first-hand knowledge.”

“Well, uh, Major, I just don’t see what that has to do with religion.”

“Let me try to explain. The Bajoran religion teaches that in order to understand the universe, we must touch and feel others. We must learn to care and empathize with other souls through the flesh.”

Odo harrumphed, trying to hide conflicted feelings. She had put extra emphasis on the words ‘touch’ and ‘feel’ and she had no idea what that did to him. He didn’t understand the stirrings either. They frightened him a little.

“Physics and biology teaches us about the laws of the universe, Major.”

“That teaches us the ‘how’ and ‘what’ and ‘when’. It teaches us about atoms and molecules. It doesn’t go beyond those things. My religion gives me answers for the ‘why’. It teaches there are things outside space and time and that the universe is more than meets the eye.”

“It helps you speculate, Major.”

Her ears were reddening. For the first time, she was getting seriously angry with her Changeling friend. Odo observed the warning sign, but for some reason, he felt he had to spew his principles at her anyway. 

“I’m a Shifter. I have become animate and inanimate objects. Nothing has convinced me that a pagh is real. Nothing has convinced me that there is an all powerful deity of some kind that can control everything. If there was, that’s a terrifying thought. I wouldn’t want to know that cold, dark hearted deity. I can’t deny your Prophets exist, but even Sisko calls them ‘wormhole aliens’! They are advanced, but I question their motives and true power.”

“Odo-“

He wouldn’t be interrupted, “Are they even worthy of your worship and devotion? What if they asked you to commit murder? Would you do it for them against your own conscience and without question? Why let them guide or dictate your lofty decisions or inconsequential mating habits? Do you, or they, really care about such things? Are you starved for children? Do you need to somehow excuse a natural biological urge that you are ashamed of but desire at the same time? Why not consult the stars or look for signs in your tea to answer your silly and irrelevant questions about ‘why’?”

He was hurting her feelings. He would have to be blind and stupid not to see it. She was so angry she almost threw her tea in his face. He might even deserve it. She would have done such a thing if she hadn’t pictured Bareil’s disappointment if she gave into her anger like that. Odo was impressed by her restraint. 

“Odo, you admit that you only simulate other forms,” Kira began icily. “You don’t possess them. You mock the sanctity of life just like you are mocking my faith and I don’t appreciate it! How dare you judge me and tell me you know the universe better when you have no true place in it? What if your people worship talking rocks and you don’t know it?”

Now he was a little hurt. They both knew he had no clue who his people were and that he really was seemingly alone in the universe. Kira was essentially hitting him in his core because he had no guts. He wished she had thrown the tea. He could absorb that liquid easily. Her words were much harder to do that with. She also didn’t back down. Odo and Kira were usually on the same page, but when they collided like this, it was ugly.

“I am not baby starved or acting on a simple biological urge. If that were all there was to it, I might have lay down and allowed myself to be a comfort woman for a Cardassian! Is that what you think I should have done, Odo?”

“By the Prophets, no! That is not what I meant to say, Major-”

“You don’t believe in the Prophets! Don’t’ you dare invoke them!” Kira shouted at him.

“It’s an expression!”

“Take your expression and shove it! I am lonely and want to be loved! I want intimacy and sentimentality for goodness sake! I believe sex can be a beautiful and sacred thing in the right circumstances! And those ‘wormhole aliens’ kept me from giving up on life when I was starving in the Singha Camp missing my mother. It gave me hope that I could find out what really happened to my brother Reon someday when I reunite with him in the Celestial Temple. It gave me the courage to look a Cardassian torturer in the eye and endure. Now why would you dare to belittle my beliefs and offer me nothing in exchange?”

Odo was made speechless. Kira waited with uncharacteristic patience for him to recover. 

Finally, all he could manage was, “Perhaps all those things you managed to survive and endure is a testament to how marvelous you truly are, Major Kira, and has nothing to do with any outside influence. Do what you want. I told you before all that matters is that you don’t betray yourself. Vedek Bareil seems like he is a good man and teacher. You are clearly benefiting from him already and from your faith. I wouldn’t dream of trying to take that away from you. Good afternoon.”

He would avoid her for days if she let him walk away. These sorts of fights were inevitable when a true believer and staunch atheist collided. Kira reached out to stop him. When he saw her start to rise from her seat, he stopped to make sure his sense of touch was miniscule not because he feared pain. He feared what she would do to him if he dared to allow her to touch him or if he somehow touched her when he was set to maximum sensation. He had been tempted to set himself to his highest settings when she reached for him. He had never given in. He had always set himself to his lowest. He wouldn’t feel her that way without her knowledge or consent.

“Odo, wait!” she seized his wrist and he sighed with relief because he had changed his internal setting in the nick of time. “I’m sorry!”

“I-I shouldn’t have said a lot of what I just said!” he replied.

“Let’s please try to agree to disagree and never bring this up again if we can help it. Truce?”

“Truce? Yes, please. I hate fighting with you, Major.”

They shook hands. He still felt like an ass and she wanted to hug him. She had probably made him feel so much more alien and isolated and alone than usual. However, this terrible fight made her appreciate that Bareil Antos shared her faith that much more.


	4. Chapter 4

It turned out that Bareil Antos could appreciate her tomboy ways after all. She didn’t always have to ooze delicacy and glamour. When they discovered their mutual interest in spring ball, the next natural step was to challenge each other to a friendly competition. Their conversations during the breaks almost always circled back to religion and faith. She was surprised at how liberal his interpretations were and how open he was to other faiths. She had never heard of such religious tolerance and openness. Bareil dreamed of cultural and religious centers throughout the Quadrant, not only on Bajor. He even wished to reach out to Cardassia Prime, and that provoked a debate. 

Of course, neither of them could win every dispute. They couldn’t possibly agree on everything. The difference was that unlike Odo, Bareil Antos knew when to stop pressing. He had learned political maneuverings and compromise since becoming a Vedek. He had to learn if he had any ambition of becoming Kai one day. He was aware how extreme some of his personal beliefs seemed, but he assured Kira that he would never impose anything drastic or disagreeable on the Bajoran people. Their paghs and lives were their own. She found it very easy to forgive him or, in some cases, change her stance and agree with him!

It might have also helped enormously when Bareil took off his shirt after a vigorous match and poured water all over his half naked body to cool down. Seeing him in sports wear instead of robes had been refreshing, but that sort of display was more than she had hoped for. Kira swore that she ran her tongue along her canines like some sort of primordial animal eyeing an alpha male while in season. The sexual aggression was channeled into her athletic performance. She completely forgot that he was a Vedek and not a legitimate spring ball athlete. He was perfectly muscled, lean and strong.

Bareil appreciated her talents and looks as well. While her hormones helped her, his distracted him. His usual calm demeanor and ability to channel inner peace was dampened. She wore little more than a tank top and shorts and a headband to keep the sweat out of her eyes. Her red hair was short so she didn’t have to worry about it brushing into her face or eyes either. She was light, quick, and she was more flexible than him. He was genuinely impressed when she sprang with feline grace off the wall to return one of his savage serves. She managed to beat him in most of the matches fair and square. Tearing off his clothes had been his last chance to impress her. He was pleased that it seemed to work.

She invited him back to her quarters for dinner. They were both ravenous and sweaty. She knew better than to try to cook for him. She was certainly no domestic goddess. When she went to collect his empty plate, he stood up to stop her. They were suddenly centimeters apart, the plates in their hands the only thing in their way. Food was in their bellies, but they were still starving for something else. They gazed at each other for a moment and then both attacked the others lips in their first kiss.

It had been a long time for both of them and they had been burning for this contact since before their mutual orb experience. Once they started, neither wanted to stop. Even when they paused to speak, they smacked their lips and nibbled between words and breaths. She moaned and hummed and he groaned and gasped. Their lips curved into smiles of pure happiness and joy. It was more satisfying than the meal had been. 

He offhandedly mentioned that Quark had invited him to the station and that suddenly changed the mood. She thought she didn’t care for a moment and continued to kiss him, their breath coming out hotter and heavier. But then she wondered why that Ferengi would play cupid. He was up to something. She had to solve the mystery and part of her was terrified of moving beyond kissing. She suddenly slipped from Bareil’s arms again! 

Why does this woman keep doing this to me? That was his pitiful thought.

Luckily, he was still waiting for her in her quarters when she returned, having foiled Quark’s petty little scheme. She’d have to have a laugh about it with Odo the next chance she got. She remembered she had abandoned her poor Vedek and felt contrite. He might even be angry and she was a special piece of work if she had managed to rouse such a benevolent man’s rage.

Bareil had changed back into his temple robes and seemed to be deep in trance before her personal shrine in her quarters. She feared to disturb him so she hopped into her shower and changed into her night gown. She expected him to be gone by the time she was through, but he was still there and she didn’t want to ask him to leave. He had turned all the lights off so that the only source of light was elemental glowing fire from the candles and incense. 

“Nerys,” he called softly.

“Bareil, did you use the shower and replicate clothes?”

“I did.”

“I am sorry I ran out of here so fast. First I had to meet Odo and then I had to deal with Quark. I get single minded sometimes. I don’t mean to be a tease. I don’t like people that do that. I-“

The Vedek took her in his arms quickly and gracefully, starling her a little. He was so warm and gentle she settled in his arms contentedly. She honestly hadn’t minded the smell of his sweat. Civilized people were trained to detest natural smells, but the incense had caught onto his robes so he smelled of the temple as he usually did. She could almost hear the chimes and chants in her ear. 

She kissed his nose ridges, feeling the flames of passion being stoked again, but he was stiff and seemed uncertain.

“Bareil?” she stroked his arms.

“Are you afraid of me?”

“No! No, you make me feel at ease and at peace!”

“Why does intimacy seem to frighten you, then? That must be it.”

“Bareil,” she explained. “I saw a lot during the Occupation and suffered more. I lost my entire family and nearly all my friends. As for me: I’ve been threatened and had extremely close calls with Cardassians, but I am a virgin.”

He looked pleasantly surprised, “I’m so used to women telling me that they’ve been with Cardassians but never a Bajoran. I used to service them.”

“Service them?” she looked at him quizzically. 

Bareil sighed. “I was Kai Opaka’s shadow during the Occupation. She would do everything in her personal power to feed the starving, nurse the sick, and rescue comfort women. I left with her from my refugee camp Relliketh and traveled the planet with her and other clergy. I was never victimized by Cardassians after I was orphaned. I ate well and was tended to by monks and nuns. I volunteered to aid my people. I saw the aftermath of Cardassian cruelty. Plenty of it. The women turned to me for counsel about the Prophets and other things.”

“You mean for sex? Well, I don’t blame them!”

“I was a teenager when Kai Opaka found a girl that was born and bred to be the ideal comfort woman. She was trained to have a photographic memory just like them. She could speak only their language and knew nothing of Bajoran culture or our faith. She was cloistered away with no interactions save with Cardassian men. She was even given a name common on Cardassia. She was young, beautiful, and very curious. She was drawn to me because I was one of the few that bothered to learn the alien tongue. She needed a teacher and learned what she wanted quickly thanks to that sharpened memory and the cunning she adopted from her masters. She was awed by the Prophets. I made her a Bajoran earring and she asked me to choose a Bajoran name for her.”

“What was it?”

He smiled a little, “Dear Nerys, I am a priest and a gentleman. I have two reasons not to kiss and tell.”

“Fair enough.”

“Well, one night, she came to my bed. Her eyes were moist and shining. She wanted to thank me. She wanted to know what it would be like to love a Bajoran man. She had been with many Cardassians but never with one of her own kind. She promised she was trained well. She didn’t mind if I knew what I was doing. She wanted to explore my body. I called her by her new name and she moaned. I couldn’t and wouldn’t say no to her. She almost made me weep when she said as she fell asleep in my arms: This is how it is supposed to be? I never knew it could actually be pleasurable! Bajoran men are soft everywhere but hard where it counts! Thank you!”

“Thank you?”

“Those words are the closest Cardassians usually come to saying: I love you. If they say those words, it’s only reserved for rare and incredibly sentimental moments. They don’t like to be vulnerable or express their feelings openly.”  
“Did you fall for her?” Kira asked with no jealousy, only fascination.

“Part of me did. She was my first. She was gone when I woke. I met her briefly again a year ago. She has eight children with a fine Bajoran man now. A doctor managed to reverse the sterilization techniques they used on her. She thanked me again just as she had done before. It made me very happy.”

“Antos, that is beautiful. You were a good man to do such a thing.”

“Well, she was one of many more. Whispers amongst the women spread that I was the man to go to for spiritual and sexual healing. For a period of time, a girl crept to my bed almost every night. A man approached me too.”

“A Bajoran man?”

He nodded, “He was enslaved by a Cardassian man. You know their condemnation of homosexuality, but there are closeted Cardassians that risk death if they are caught engaging their true desires. The things this man told me of how he was used would turn a former comfort woman’s stomach. He asked for my healing. I knew what that meant.”

“So did you sleep with him? Did you enjoy it? My opinion of you won’t change,” Kira reassured him.

“That was a case where my spirit was willing, but my flesh wasn’t. The man was as handsome and young as I, but I just couldn’t perform. He understood. He wasn’t going to force me against my nature or will. I gave him spiritual counseling instead and he said that alone was enough.” 

“How many women did you counsel in this way?”

“Prophets help me, but I don’t quite remember. It was dozens. I began to feel torn up about it. Was I using these women? Was I taking advantage of the faith? Was I doing any good? It took courage and humility, but I sought the Kai’s wisdom. She told me I was doing exactly what the temple prostitutes did before the Occupation. I was giving pleasure and advice with no judgments. I could refuse like the girls if I didn’t want it. If I had slept with the man, the Prophets would see my good intentions but disapprove of self-degradation. She was proud of my actions but warned me to know when to stop for my own sake and to listen carefully to the girls’ wants and needs.”

“You must have eventually had a bad experience.”

“I began to feel like a toy or piece of meat, Nerys. Every coupling became more mechanical than spiritual. No woman seemed to love me at least not past dawn. I began to feel ill, like I was absorbing and taking their pain into my own body but not releasing it myself so that my pagh was sickening. The stories were horrifying!”

“I’ve heard many myself,” Kira agreed. “I could imagine it all so vividly that I began to live them in my dreams.”

“You have the gift and curse of a true empathic like me,” Bareil gazed steadily into her eyes and stroked her fingers. “The last straw was when a relentlessly abused woman came to my bed for several nights in a row. She had so many scars. That wasn’t enough to disturb me. I had seen worse. No, it was the things she told me and it was the fact that what had happened to her turned her sadistic herself. She wanted me to choke her. She didn’t seem to care if I killed her. She bit and scratched my member. She would box my ears, kick and punch. She wanted other unspeakable things. She was angry that I refused anything. It was the hardest thing to keep hard and when I was finally ready for release, she chose that moment to start screaming at me not to touch her.”

“How humiliating and hurtful! I’m sorry, Antos! No one falsely accused you of rape because of her, did they?

“Thank the Prophets, no! Everyone knew what was really going on. Other girls had done something slightly similar. They wanted me to start and stop on command so that they could feel their power coming back to them. They just wanted to know they could make it stop if they wanted. The Cardassians had never allowed that. Those girls let me finish myself one way or another. This woman wouldn’t. She would kick me if I threatened to cum. I bit my tongue and reigned in my control, but it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. That was just the first night.”

“The first night? Why did you let her touch you ever again?”

“I felt it was my duty by then. I had not been getting pleasure from the task for too long. I thought for sure the woman would be better the next time. She refused to let me touch her at all and bound me, bitter and mistrustful. By the third night, I was fed up. She bit me again in a terribly sensitive spot and spit in my face. That was when I finally told her no. I was not going to subject myself to this anymore. I knew what it must be like to have been a comfort woman by now. I had always been gentle and considerate to each woman. This one just wanted to torture me as she had been tortured. She wanted no counseling or pleasure. She was the last.”

“You did what was right for you for a change.”

“I did. I vowed to stick to spiritual matters. I could never make Vedek if I had a habit of casual sex anyway. Frankly, I’m surprised that Vedek Winn has never brought up my sexual history during the campaigning for Kai. I self-imposed a vow of chastity and kept it faithfully for a long time. I had no real desire to break it until recently.”

“What changed your mind?”

“It was when I saw you, Nerys, for the first time on the station. The desire welled in me then and my decision was firmly made when I returned to the monastery and saw you in the orb. I saw that you needed me and that I needed you.”

He nibbled her ear and caressed her hips. She pressed into him, wanting him more. She closed her eyes so she could feel him that much better. She giggled.

“No wonder you are so popular with the women of Bajor, Bareil Antos!”

“I only want one woman and that is you, Nerys.”

“Antos,” she said clearly. “I’m ready. Let’s make love. The Prophets seem to want it for us. I want it. Show me how this spiritual and sexual healing works. Please.”

He grinned, “I’ve been waiting for you to say those exact words, Nerys. My love, I was waiting since I brought you to the monastery.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains sexual content, but it's consensual and sacred.

For a long time, Bareil kissed her with soft sensual kisses. Once he moved onto deeper, open-mouth kisses, her body was already getting fired up. She had never been kissed quite like this. The nearest comparison was Alled Galex’s kisses, but she willed that mixed baggage from her mind. She didn’t want painful memories ruining her first time. Thana Los had almost kissed her. Funny, she’d rather have Alled’s gray lips again then that deceitful Bajoran’s! Wait, did she really just think that?

Bareil felt her thoughts churning. He seemed truly clairvoyant. He paused and cupped her face with heartbreaking concern in his eyes. She wanted to fall into those deep blue pits of perfect compassion and take refuge there forever.

“Are you alright, my love?” he asked.

She nodded, trembling slightly, but not from fear. It was excitement at the realization of a dream. She felt like his strong arms were the arms of a god, filling her with love and grace. Could he be a Prophet after all made flesh? The scriptures mentioned that such a thing was possible. They worked in mysterious and surprising ways. Bareil Antos would be a perfect vessel for such creatures. She didn’t care if he was a mere mortal man either to be honest. She knew she wanted him. The Prophets didn’t have to tell her that. She had just needed their push to attempt to seduce him. She hadn’t needed that either. Bareil wanted her and the proof was in those eyes.

“I can stop at any time,” he reminded her. “I will not be hurt. Every woman is nervous her first time.”

“Don’t stop, Antos!” she begged him. “Don’t you dare stop!”

She felt like she was born to be with this man and in this moment. Odo might have said this whole scenario seemed manipulative. What were the Prophets up to? Why did they care if she and this Vedek coupled? What if one of them screamed that they didn’t want any part of this? Well, neither of them wanted this night to end. They wanted time and space to collapse so that they could remain locked together as one, Prophets or no Prophets. They had no time to question it and besides, why should they if it validated their passion?

Bareil began to lick her neck, sigh in her ear, and let his large strong hands drift along the front of her night gown, handpicked by clever Dax to compliment Kira’s curves. She wrapped her arms around his neck, moaning into his mouth. She ran her fingers through his dark hair.

She tensed again, remembering Reon’s dyed hair when she saw her brother for the last time. It had been the same color and his eyes had been almost as blue as Bareil’s. When the Resistance informed her that he was dead and a traitor to boot, she cried for days and disowned him publicly. Privately, she questioned the evidence. Her father Taban insisted it wasn’t true but couldn’t give his reasons why. It was some sort of cover up. Whenever she watched or played spring ball, she thought of Reon.

She remembered watching a spring ball tournament with Odo. It was one of the few times he had stepped into her quarters. Reon’s favorite team won and the Bajoran that scored the last point was his all star. She had burst into tears. She was as shocked as Odo was. Of course, he feared he had done something wrong. She had to explain about Kira Reon. Odo listened like he always did with infinite patience and quiet understanding. But Odo could never make her feel like this, could he? 

What the hell was wrong with her? Her thoughts kept wandering and she wanted to be alive in this moment in front of her with Bareil on her body. She needed to touch him more!

He seemed surprised when she became the aggressor rather than the stereotypical shy and blushing maiden. She held him in place by clutching his hair in one hand and then she hissed near his ear as she nipped his lip. She slipped a hand through his robe and finally touched that perfect chest of his with her skin. It was not scaly and gray. It was tanned, with soft but rippling muscles and smooth Bajoran skin. It might not be as smooth as her breasts, but it was warm as hers. It was sun kissed and now it was being kissed by her lips. She actually growled with pleasure then laughed mischievously as she removed the hand from his head and placed it between his thighs.

“The ‘Cardi’ girl was right! Soft and hard in all the right places!” she teased as she began to rub.

“Nerys!” she managed to make the holy man blush!

“I believe that instead of healing me, I might be corrupting you, my dear Vedek Bareil!” 

She could say his surname as sensually as his first name. He was almost intimidated by her confidence but quickly decided he loved it. He snickered and seized her hips and lifted her off the ground. She yelped and wrapped her arms and legs around him instinctively. She laughed with delight. She felt weightless in his arms. He supped on her lips and neck again, his hands squeezing whatever flesh he could find. So far, this was playful and fun!

“Put me down!” she pouted. “I wanted to take those robes off you!”

“No, I want your clothes off first!” he adopted her childish tone.

She tossed her head back and he began to lick and kiss the place between her breasts. She wasn’t prepared for that. She gasped in surprise and her face burned with the fever of desire. Bareil grunted.

“Despite all my careful techniques and discipline, I swear I want to tear your gown and take you right now!” he cried.

“Do it!” she dared.

He didn’t tear the cloth as he threatened. He began to pull it down from her shoulders, biting one as it escaped into the open. Eventually the rest slipped off her. She began to tear off his robe. Unlike him, she was carless and ripped it a little. He didn’t care.

“Take me to the bed, Antos!” 

“As you command!”

They fell to the bed together. She tried to climb on him and he tried to pin her down. He snatched her ankles and began to pull her legs apart and wedge a knee between them. 

That particular action did trigger a terrible memory of a Cardassian torturer and she froze up and let out a hiss of air between gnashed teeth. Bareil recognized the sign of her condition and held her in his arms gently, ready to wrap the cover blanket around her and stop all this before it began. She squeezed her eyes shut. She was so angry, but not at him. She was angry at herself and at the Cardassians for this. Why now? All the idiot had managed to do was threaten her a little before she killed him! She was shaking and her eyes full of tears when she returned to reality.

“I’m so sorry!”she started to say.

“Don’t apologize!” he stroked her back. “I love you, Nerys.”

“Antos, I love you.”

She was determined that there would be no more phantoms interrupting them. She wondered if Bareil was blinking away ugly memories of his own. He was being so understanding. His body felt so good on hers! She began to remove the last of his clothing. He removed hers and forced them both to slow down. They lay naked together, hands swimming over each other, lightly touching and exploring.

“Remember, Nerys, this is spiritual as well as sexual,” he whispered. “I am no Cardassian or Bajoran Collaborator defiling your temple. I am a guest merely wanting to worship. Will you let me in?”

“Yes!” 

She placed his finger inside of her.

“Oh, you are so wet!” he seemed surprised.

“Is that bad?”

He almost roared with laughter, “It’s a very good thing. It’s very sexy. You are testing me terribly, woman!”

“I’m not damaged cargo, Antos!” she insisted. “Touch me! Do I really have to say it? The Prophets have practically brought us here together like this! I’ve denied myself these pleasures long enough! I don’t want to be a bitter virgin anymore! You are the perfect man for this! If you hurt me, I’ll recover and get over it! I’m a soldier, beloved Vedek of mine.”

“You’re tough, but beautiful and so soft!”

“Antos!”

He removed his finger after he had teased her thoroughly with it so that he could replace it with what she really wanted. Her body lurched a little. As wet and willing as she was, it was still a lot to take in. She whimpered and writhed. She clutched him by the shoulders and he withdrew a little.

“Don’t do that!” she snapped. “Taking it out when it’s that far in isn’t going to hurt less but more!”

“Does it hurt, Nerys?” he was all concern again.

“Go slow,” she instructed.

“You’re a woman that knows what she wants, huh?”

“Sometimes!” she growled as he moved, and it didn’t sound pained.

His Bajoran ridges started to feel wonderful! She tried to imagine what scales inside felt like and quickly banished the thought. She needed to stop thinking and analyzing about this and just enjoy. She filled her eyes full of her lover before her. He was so handsome! The Prophets were finally giving her something good. She hated to think blasphemous thoughts, but a reward was long overdue. She also finally surrendered her control and that felt so terribly good. She could trust Bareil Antos. He was such a kind and gentle man! 

She absentmindedly realized that she was no longer a virgin. Hm. Well, she didn’t feel tainted or ashamed. She had done exactly as the Prophets wanted. She had desperately wanted it. She loved this man and he loved her. They were one. 

Bareil wasn’t sure if his prolonged chastity helped or hurt him, but this woman was his absolute destiny and he knew it. She was also entirely his own. He wasn’t sure if he had ever had the privilege of truly being a woman’s first. He wanted their first time, her first time, to be as miraculous as possible. It made little difference if she was a virgin during the act itself, but he surged with pride and felt a humble honor knowing he was going to be her first. No one ever forgot their first.

With each slow, loving stroke, she became more vocal. So did he. She whispered about how good it felt. She told him she loved him. She began to soothe and comfort him. She was kind and compassionate herself, not a bitter harpy like she imagined herself to be sometimes. She kissed him instead of simply lying there. She was even trying to help him. She was starting to see spots in front of her eyes. 

He slowed so that he could enjoy her breasts. He kissed them, kneaded them, and then he suckled them. She scratched his shoulders. She couldn’t reach any further down. She was getting close. Then he plunged in harder and faster. He placed a hand on her secret button. Just when she thought it couldn’t be better, he proved that it could be. She had no comparison or true standards. He wanted to set her bar high! He was also a man practiced in a woman’s body and reveled in giving them pleasure. He had practically made a profession of it. Only now, he was doing it for love. 

He managed to make her scream and he finally couldn’t help himself any longer. He released inside her and collapsed on top of her as she shuddered and whimpered. He held her as she sobbed, but not with sadness. 

“I had no idea it could be so beautiful and feel so good, Antos!” she said. “You are a blessing from the Prophets to me.”

“Nerys, of all the women I’ve ever had, you are the best. The Prophets sent you to me,” he answered. “I love you.”

“I love you, Antos!’

Unlike Cardassians, they weren’t afraid to declare that to each other. They never would be. He kissed her and shocked her by entering her again without warning, but it felt so good. He laughed as he kissed her nose ridges.

“Oh yes, I’m a man that can have multiple orgasms!” he boasted.

“Be my guest, Vedek!” she said with an almost drowsy voice. “My temple is yours!”


	6. Epilogue

Odo marveled at the change in his best friend. She was all smiles lately. She seemed calmer, gentler, and less easy to provoke into her rages. He had no clue Bareil was the cause right away. Dating and mating rituals were low on his priority list. If it wasn’t Kira, he wouldn’t have cared at all. Because it was Kira, though, it became a priority. 

She sat with him, having replicated nearly an entire feast. She had been ravenous the past few days. She looked tired too but didn’t show it. She cheerfully drank her Klingon coffee and attacked her food as though it had insulted her and needed to be put down. Jadzia Dax passed by to give Kira’s shoulder a squeeze and the girls winked at each other.

“Jadzia, what was in that perfume?” Kira asked.

“Not Trill piss!” Dax called over her shoulder.

Odo was too horrified to ask about that. Quark sent a free drink Kira’s way and even Benjamin Sisko flashed Kira a knowing look when he passed through. Odo just wanted to talk about novels. He wished he could make everyone else on the station shoo.

“I read the book you sent,” he informed her. “I was disappointed with the main plot.”

“Oh no!”

“However, I enjoyed the subplot.”

“Really, Odo? But that was the romance plot!”

“The characters had compelling reasons to stay together, but they didn’t get a fairytale ending. The man realized that his partner would be happier with someone else. That was tragic but admirable.”

She smiled such a luminous smile that Odo almost gasped, “Constable, are you a secret romantic?”

“Hell no,” he bristled.

“Are you going to wager for Vedek Bareil in the upcoming election to see who becomes Kai?”

“Yes. I have always admired him. He is an honorable man.”

She beamed again, “I’m glad you appreciate my lover, Odo!”

“Your what?” his eyes popped.

“We’re a glued couple now.”

“Oh. You seemed different somehow, Major, and I couldn’t explain it before.”

“Do I seem different? How?”

“You’ve been glowing, Major!”

“Glowing?”

“I’m saying that for lack of a better word. It’s a Changeling sort of sense. You seem very happy.”

“I seem like it because I am.”

“Well, I suppose I like Bareil even better now.”

“You’re a good friend, Odo.”

She got up to squeeze his shoulder as she left. Even at minimum sensation, he felt the ridiculous amount of endorphins and serotonin in her system as though she had scratched it into him. Her happiness was too infectious. He felt as though he was floating on clouds or flying like the hawk he was so fond of shifting into when he had room and privacy to do it. It was an amazing feeling. The closest thing he could remember to the sensation was when that ambassador woman had touched him in his lab days. That was a maternal love. This was a much more electrically charged feeling so powerful he wondered if he was about to be struck by something. 

Once her touch was gone quick as it had come, the feeling faded fast. He began to feel terribly depressed. 

“What did that Vedek Bareil do to her?” he wondered aloud with Quark far too near.

The Ferengi explained, “Odo, my friend, he took the Major to bed. He kissed her good and made love to her. He made her very happy.”

Odo was surprised that the perverse little troll hadn’t been nearly as crude with his vocabulary as he usually was. He looked a little envious when Bareil came to collect Kira. Could it be he was a secret romantic too? Odo scoffed.

“It’s biology at work and nothing more!” Odo barked. “Now go away!”

“”You might be less critical of everything and grumpy if you indulged in such a thing once in a while.”

“Don’t make me hurt you, Quark!” Odo warned.

“You know, if that hostile woman can open her heart to love, maybe you can too, Odo.”

With that, the Ferengi left him to contemplate his words.


End file.
